Support or Sabotage - Give yourself the best chance

One of the first things I say to someone when we start working together is “tell as few people that you’re doing this as possible! “ This usually comes as a surprise to people but its for a very good reason and can literally be the difference between achieving and being stuck.

It doesn't matter if you’re just starting your health & fitness journey, adjusting your goals or looking for a brand new challenge, the people in your circle of influence that you tell about it can be extremely important.

Think about who you share your wellness journey with

Some people go with the approach of telling everyone! From family and friends, colleagues at work to even the cashier when they’re buying their new gym top. Others may go with the solo route - not telling a soul and keeping their gym shoes hidden in the boot of the car. This maybe you or perhaps you try to find a balance but either way it really is important to really think about who you tell about your new health plans and also how you’re going to react to their behaviour towards you.

Allies, saboteurs and mockers

Keeping it simple, you should sort your circle into three groups. Allies, Saboteurs and a Mockers. After deciding which people from your circle of influence goes into what group, that will help you know how to benefit from them and how to deal with how they act towards you.

Ally

This is someone who really wants you to do well. These are your ‘gold dust’ people who you want to keep close. They have no other agenda other than seeing you achieve and helping along the way. For example, as your wellness coach I am one of your allies, here to help, guide and support.

Saboteur

Now this is where it can get interesting …

Saboteurs are not bad or evil people who are out to get you. In fact these are usually friends, close colleagues or even loved ones. They are just simply not on the same wellness journey you are on. We’ve all heard it when perhaps someone has achieved a weight-loss milestone and someone close says ‘oh wow, you’ve done so well, you DESERVE a …” and that’s where usually the cake and wine comes in. Again, these people aren’t trying to derail you, they just aren’t on the same journey that you are. Sometimes these people haven’t even thought about you - they have just brought cake in for the whole office or put a biscuit with your tea without thinking.

And finally, the Mocker

These people are even further away from your journey and have rarely anything positive to say. Typical ‘mocker’ sayings could be “oh have another glass, don’t be a wimp” or “oh I heard of someone who tried that exercise … it sounds awful!”. Now usually all these people are doing is reflecting on their own restricting beliefs and fears. Subconsciously (or even consciously) they don’t want to see you do well as they know they couldn’t do it. Unfortunately it can be human nature.

how to stay in control and be prepared

So now you know your groups you can decide who to share your journey with and who not to. Keeping those few allies close can be so beneficial to achieving your goals. Being very aware of the saboteurs and the sabotaging situations can be the difference between achieving your goals or yo-yoing back and forth and of course keeping the mockers comments at arms length so not to distract you from your focus.

One response I arm my clients with is to say to people who say “you must be on a diet or something?’ is simply “nope, I’m just eating a little better, a little regular exercise and set some goals”. This is actually true but its very good at closing down the conversation and blocking out mocker-like comments.

Now remember you don’t have to make little badges with ‘saboteur’ on them and stick them on your colleague’s head (apparently frowned upon) or on your partner when they bring home pizza but instead keeping these mindset tools to yourself means you stay in control and prepared.